I'm just not that into you.

Oh, He's Just Not That Into You. I wanted to like you. Really, I did. I don't really have high standards for entertainment (I own From Justin to Kelly) and I suppose you met those standards, but I was still disappointed. Allow me to take the lazy way out and make a bulleted list of problems:

• ScarJo, your acting was as crappy as usual. Did you go to the Angelina Jolie school of "I'm hot, please don't ask me to actually like emote and stuff" school of acting? Also, what was WITH those extensions you were sporting in this movie? Those were kind of a hot mess.
• Bradley Cooper, why were you an asshole in this movie? Why are you an asshole in most movies now? You are my stupid, sexy Will Tippin (from Alias, the best show ever, Netflix it, yo.) forever and always.
  
• I am aware that the first two bullet points were about actors and not the movie. I'm getting to the movie.
• Ginnfer Goodwin's character was an exaggeration of every crazy behavior a girl has partaken in while pursuing a guy. Once I became comfortable with that fact, I could stop groaning and covering my eyes every time she opened her mouth. No one behaves like that in real life. No one!
• Drew Barrymore and her gays. And the point of that was...? (Sidenote: I thought Drew's one gay bff was Wilson Cruz, aka Ricky from My So-Called Life and it was! Score one for me/imdb! While on imdb, I figured out that one of Drew's other gay bff's was Brian from the Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants movies, which was bugging me. Also, if you don't have firefox+adblock, you totes should because it makes imdb a much more enjoyable experience.)
  
• Will it ever be possible to look at Jennifer Aniston/Ben Affleck without thinking of the ghosts of relationships past? I know Ben is happily married (To Sydney Bristow!) and all that now but part of me will always (unfortunately) remember the J. Lo years. As for Jen, what else do we need to say? But I will say that even though the Jen-Ben storyline ended totally cliche and sappy, I was still like, "awww" when he proposed about five years later than he should have. Contrary to popular belief, I am not made of stone people.
• I think the Kevin Connolly/Drew Barrymore storyline should have started earlier in the movie. They were cute together! (Especially in the credits part.) I did not enjoy watching E from Entourage moon over ScarJo for most of the movie.
• Jennifer Connelly broke a REALLY nice mirror towards the end of the movie. It was tragic. (The Jezebel liveblog was right! Also, please go read that immediately after finishing this post because it was the funniest thing I have read in a long time.)
• This movie was over two hours long! In what universe does a romcom need to be over two hours long?
• Why was everything so retro in this movie? Ben Affleck drove what looked to be a woodchuck station wagon, Ginnfer Goodwin's entire wardrobe and apartment was stuck in 1957 (and was cute, honestly), as was Jennifer Connelly and Bradley Cooper's house. Was it some sort of weird social commentary about some of the ideas and beliefs contained in the movie?
  

So, to sum things up: Way to spend an entire movie talking about how certain situations are "exceptions" and not "rules" only to end the movie with about five different "exceptions". Lame.

I still maintain that the actual best parts of seeing the movie were seeing the Star Trek (!) trailer and the Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) trailer. Yes, I watched Star Trek (OG and Next Generation) as a kid with my dad, judge away. But the new movie was made by JJ Abrams, who made Alias, which I have now referenced three times in this post. Seriously, go Netflix seasons 1 and 2 of Alias instead of seeing this movie. (Or just wait until this movie is out on DVD. Then it probably won't bug as much.)

In the meantime, I'll be waiting until next weekend to see my life story, aka Confessions of a Shopaholic on screen. And I still want Ginnfer Goodwin's shoes when she's at Justin Long's party.